I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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