Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
