hell yes lets make some ravioli
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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