Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
