I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
