For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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