He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
