Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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