His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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