yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
