is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No subtext here. People are naked.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize