I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
