Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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