The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
