I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
