did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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