like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
