I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
where are my eyebrows?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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