we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
