i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
