dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
