i jhust puked up my retainher.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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