The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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