Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize