PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
