Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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