She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
