Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
