You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
