I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
