gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
