I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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