also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
