what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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