very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
