FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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