rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
