So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we should paint friendship bongs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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