i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
