Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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