every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
