they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
