We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
