My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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