This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
