I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think my fart just growled at me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
