weddingsv make me drug and hornr
smell my finger.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
