I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
