At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
