go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
