Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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