you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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