It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my liver is dry heaving
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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