the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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