I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The uberlube is also flammable
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
