He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want a musical about memes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
