I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
