I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
