omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
