My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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