quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
