Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize