What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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