Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
