"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
