I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
