I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
