When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
