i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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