hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
