It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
