I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
