You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
