you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
