Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
