you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
