Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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