He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
