Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
