I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
