my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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