im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
