so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
