I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
