How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
