It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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