i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
