it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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