70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
