I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
