Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
