Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
