where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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