dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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