when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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