The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
