I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
