I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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