How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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