WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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