Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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