I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
